I once worked with a client who was Valedictorian of her high school class. She also graduated from college magnum cum lade in her undergraduate and graduate class and was making a six-figure salary in the corporate world. However, she suffered from low self-esteem and depression.
The root cause was that she thought she was stupid and couldn’t make good decisions despite the evidence. After all, over her life her parents had told her that she was stupid. Growing up, they constantly reminded her that she would never amount to anything. Why wouldn’t she believe them? They were her parents!
Family dysfunction is any process in the family that limits the effective development of family members. An environment where there is mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental health issues, substance abuse, or domestic violence will be contributing factors that intensify negative beliefs, thoughts and values. Stressful events can have negative psychological effects that can follow us into our adult life.
Research has shown that dysfunction in the family of origin may affect several areas of an individual’s life. Three areas are: problem-solving, communication, and distress in intimate relationships. Research suggests that the degree of family dysfunction in the family of origin is not just the presence of family dysfunction, it is related to interpersonal distress.
Many people believe that emotions are primarily determined by our experiences. If your environment is out of balance, you function out of balance. Your emotions and thoughts will be out of balance.
Your life lessons are your very core from which you function. Your core beliefs are sometimes rooted in self-doubt, low self-esteem, guilt, anger, shame and a host of other self-defeating beliefs about yourself that prevent you from moving forth and living a balanced life.
All behavior is purposeful. Because those beliefs are rooted in the subconscious, what is in you will come out, even in times when you would like to act a different way or respond to a situation in a different way. Until you learn to do something different, to obtain a different result, you continue a vicious cycle of self-defeating behavior and self-fulfilled prophecy about your abilities, talents, and potential.
